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This Is What Awaits You!!!

Victim Stories & Tales Of Horror

Note: These are actual emails obtained from people writing to us, The Alliance For Freedom From Alimony, Inc., Citizens For Liberty And Privacy, and posts from the Yahoo Group Forum. The names have been deleted for privacy.

To see many other victim stories, check out this blog.

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My husband and I recently married. I've known him for years and years and was fully aware of the alimony order in place from their divorce 4 years ago. They were only married for 10 years.

Problem is that she became enraged when she found out that we got married and had the audacity to purchase a new home. The one thing that she doesn't know is that I make considerably more money than he does (about 3x). So everything that we have is because I purchased it.

Long story short, she's taking him back to court for payment of arrearages owed (from when he was unemployed in 2003 and the alimony was $350 a week) and for contempt of court. The contempt charges stem from the credit reporting bureaus.

When they divorced they had a considerable amount of credit card debt which of course he got so kindly ordered to pay. But during the time which he was unemployed he was unable to make the payments on time every time. He didn't miss a single payment and hasn't since, but some were late and since the credit was in both their names it got reported to her SSN also. So she is suing him for not "holding her harmless".

This woman is highly educated, a former school teacher and now a paralegal making almost double his income.

I've tried researching the laws in our state (OH) to see if I can find any way to get out of this ridiculous obligation, but the only information that I can find is geared towards the recipient. I can't find a single law, judgement, or ruling that protects the payor.

I'm sorry, but it's women that do these sort of things that give the rest of us a bad name!

S.S.
Ohio

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Another thing that blows me away is that if you divorce and have an alimony obligation, they can prevent you from changing careers if that meant less money was available to support the "entitled" party.

How did we lose this right to choose our own employment situation simply because we got divorced?

I am considering doing this, and had a chat with my attorney Friday about the ramifications of doing this - and was warned "don't".

This brings up another constitutional issue (I think - but maybe I am wrong)...when did her rights supercede my rights? I can understand if we were talking about a child, but we're talking about another adult. So if you are married or single or divorced without any alimony obligation, you are free to do whatever you want employment wise - but if you have an alimony obligation, you are essentially a slave.

My attorney said "well if you can get a doctor in to testify that you are sick and continuing to work in this line of work will eventually kill you"... I probably can get such testimony - but it burns me up that I would have to go to that trouble...whatever happened to I just don't like doing this anymore and would like to do something else? Why is it the court's business what I choose to do?

I'm stuck where I'm at. I have to continue to do a job I don't like because it benefits another adult who has an entitlement at my expense. If I quit and do something else, then I am voluntarily underemployed and they can still attribute my previous salary regardless of what I am making....that is the crux of my complaint though...how can this not be some violation of my rights to tell me what I can and cannot do to earn a living and that I have to
make "x" amount of dollars or more....

And they wonder why violence happens....

J.B.
Colorado

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From the woman's side:

I need help!! My ex is taking me back to court for contempt. I have not been paying alimony since my severance package ran out. I then filed for unemployemnt because my Mom got sick and I was taking her to all her doctors' appointments since she was not allowed to drive. My unemployment ran out in April and I have been borrowing against my credit card. I have started looking for a job, but so far I haven't been able to find one in the area. My ex is now asking me to bring in all my information about my retirement fund. I worked for the corporation for 28 years and was only married 8.

I have been paying alimony since 1995 which is supposed to be permanent since he is a quad. (even though I married him after his accident) He lives in the house that we (I) renovated and has his brother and now my ex's girlfriend also lives there. Now his attorney is telling me to bring to court all my pension plan papers. Is anyone familiar with Qualified Domestic Relations Order?

T.O.

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Rex and I have sent a petition in to the united nations as we have no where else to turn on rex's case.we have paid over 9,000 so far this year and over 10,000 last year and his total debt has grown to 73,292.76.january 06 he was at 74,148.66 total debt.jan 06 back cs was 10,635.21 it is now 4511.03.back spousal in jan 06 was 42,794.85.it is now 47,028.85.interest at 21,752.88.

dhr is claiming a computer software problem shut down the current spousal in nov 05 and they just figured it out in aug 06,so they have ajusted it all.they take between 1100 and 1200t per month 50%garnishment and add 1500 t per month, there is no way to pay this debt.Rex's doctor wants him disabled he has enough medical problems to do this,his ex wife would take half that for the rest of his life also.he currently works 6 days a week 12 hour shifts and climbs ladders straight up over 40 feet with a crippled arm that cannot make a fist nor grip any thing tightly,

he has fallen into the chip trailors he loads twice now and lucky he landed inside the semi trailor onto the wood chips rather than onto the ground,the slightest touch on the crippled arm causes massive bruising and heavy bleeding,a very thin cut that wouldn't even bleed on you or me bleeds over 24 hours if he should get a serious cut he will bleed to death before any one could help him.his judge refused his medical records and was very sympathetic to his ex's undiognosed illness-no med records entered for her. this all occured in the non-alimony state of alabama.anyway i mailed our petition to the un tuesday and if any one else has no where else to turn I would like to see other people send petitions

R.E.
Alabama

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A reply to an article written by Ms. Stern

MS Stern:
Your Reuter's article from Washington is well taken, giving excellent advice to the divorcing spouse. The article is gender biased but I would like to assume it applies to the many women who are paying alimony.

But lets take a look at how it really works based on my personal experience, which is typical of most "experiences" by the male giver in a divorce situation.

My "X" did hire all of the consultants you recommended and I had none, being quite naive at the time. So the bottom line was that she ended up with lifetime alimony (her life). This means that I can never remarry with a state license for fear of my new spouse being sued for alimony payments. The "X" is litigious to a fault. The "family law system" has also made it illegal for me to marry without a license. She received 100% of the market value of the house, I made up the difference between what it actually sold for and the "market" value.

That and other cash entitlements that her consultants felt she needed meant that I ended up with negative cash flow and was required to sell all (three pieces) of the North Georgia property I received in the settlement. That left me with $199 of a 30 year aerospace pension, no savings, and no social security as I developed a heart condition and had to retire before social security started.

So I am now 70 years old, have a significant other and we live up here in the mountains on my social security. We don't use the air conditioner and cut our wood for heat in the winter. We do odd jobs to supplement the social security. Our entertainment is Saturday night when we go to Arbys and Wally World. The "X" vacations in Australia and Europe and makes two trips from her gated community in the Sail Fish Capitol of the World to Connecticut in her Chrysler convertible. This year she plans a trip to England.

Please take another look. Interview some men. Get the real story.

Z.B.
Blairsville, GA

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Governor Bush (Florida),

I am Carl E. Durham (USA COL Retired Medically) and in my opinion, my civil rights as a 100% Total and Permanent Disabled American Veteran have been severely violated by Judge Kerry Evander, Brevard County. He has put me in a position where I cannot afford a place to live and at the brink of bankruptcy.

In a ruling he made yesterday, he has awarded $800.00 dollars in permanent alimony above and beyond half of my military retirement and half of my Concurrent Retirement Disability Pay (CRDP). He has stated that if he cannot garnish my CRDP, he will make me pay it in permanent alimony, which is approximately $1347.00 a month. I talked to Senator Nelson Office in late Fall 05, and his assistants for VA and Social Security Disability (SSD) out of his Orlando Office stated, if Judge Evander awarded any dollars other than child support that got into my VA or SSD, it would be a direct violation of US Federal Statute, Title 38 for VA and I believe 45 for SSD. Also, DOD disability is protected under Title 10, Chapter 61, if I'm not mistaken.

On or about 10 Nov 2006, in his chambers, he let my ex-spouses lawyer, demeaned me without saying a word. The lawyer called me a section 8, I was honorably discharged. He stated I wish I could be 46 and never work again
and he made fun of one of my service connect disabilities, fibromyalgia. Judge Evander never said a word to the lawyer. At that point I knew I was going to be done wrong by this judge.

Based on the information above, I wanted to file a motion to have Judge Evander step down, but my lawyer didn't think it was sufficient grounds. Also, after my ex-spouse found out that Judge Evander was appointed, she stated to me that her friends John and Susanne Bernard had influence with him, not sure if I have correct spelling on last name. However, would request that the above be looked into to determine if there is any connection. I wanted Judge Evander challenged on this the day of the hearing but my lawyer didn't do what I asked.

Bottom line, Judge Evander kicked me out of my home even though he didn't have grounds to do so. My ex-spouse filed an injunction against me two days after I filed for divorce and even tough there was no merit to the allegations, he removed me from my house. When I had been taking care of my children while my ex-spouse wasn't coming home. The judge stated in his first ruling, if he based temporary custody on my ex-spouses current behavior he would most likely awarded the husband custody, but since she had been the long term care provider during a military career, he would award her custody.

After I left the home, the children went from 3.5 and above grade point averages to below 2.0. I believe his lack of discernment and favoritism toward women precludes him from being fair and balanced. Also, the ex-spouse exposed my children to alcohol and drugs and the judge could have gotten the information from a Judge in Tennessee, Unicoi County, but his social workers and family support coordinator didn't want to do their job.
Everything has been blamed on me because my 16 year old daughter told the judge I said something bad about her mother. Her mother, in front of her and my 14 year old Son, stated words to the effect to me by phone that she
had not just F'd the two guys I found about, but she had f'd about 10 others and the one she was f'ing at the time was a guy I played football with in Alabama. I never said anything to my children that would rise to this level. I've been set up and railroaded.

Very Respectfully,
C.D., COL USA Ret

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Yesterday I went to the final hearing to make my divorce "official", but presented to the judge a new mitigating circumstance: my ex was arrested for child abuse last month for beating up his almost 18 year old son. The judge was interested in this, but my ex's attorney pointed out that she talked to the state attorney and the charges
will be dropped. Well, without a conviction I had no lever to change my "mediated settlement" in regards with our 50/50 child custody.

However, I made a case against my child support payment written in the agreement because in the child support worksheet added to the mediated agreement the $1300 of alimony she will receive was not deducted to my income and added as her income. This would reduce my child support payment from $1500 to the correct amount of $800 – again, we share the kids 50/50. I did make a stink about it with my attorney and the mediator, but ex wanted a total of $2800 a month somehow.

One of the issues here is that she does not want to work so I need references on imputed income (last year during the temporary relief hearing the judge told her that "there was no reason why she should not be working"). Also, our mediation was Feb 8, 2006 and again she does not work, on March she paid over $1100 for a trip for two to an all inclusive resort in Cancun, paid over $1200 for buccaneer tickets, flew to Salt Lake City to "visit" a friend…

Obviously she is not spending child support money where it should be spent: the kids. And if she is in dire need of money, why is she spending it so frivolously. The judge granted us the divorce, but withheld on the child support amount mediated. We will go to court again within 30 days and I need to argue my case (I fired my attorney after mediation `cause I paid several thousand of dollars and all she said after I got raped during mediation was "I told
you"…) Anybody knows any references, cases, etc on the matter.

D.M.
Dunedin, FL

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I'll make this as brief as possible. After 22 years of marriage my wife and I started going thru a divorce. 1 1/2 years later we had a preliminary hearing in which the judge stated 1.)that we would either split pensions 50/ 50 because Maine is a 50 / 50 State or each keep our own. 2.) No alimony 3.) I would continue paying child support till our youngest was 18. This was reasonable.

Three months later the Judge at our final hearing ruled that she could take 50% of my retirement and keep all of hers. Her retirement system is a much better plan than mine & hers is a state system. She would also take 60% of 1 401K and 50% of the other. She will also recieve $100.00 a week LIFE TIME ALIMONY. She earns $48,500 yr with summers off.

My base at the time was 52,500 + 8,400 Bonus for not having the company provided insurance policy,which I would loose when I was no longer on the wifes plan.8,000 Was also added for quarterly bonuses. These bonuses were not this high and we havn't made them the past 2 quarters (Not Gauranteed).There isn't any stipulation such the x-wife remarrying or financial gain to end this Life Time Servitude. Her oldest brother has his own law firm and all the attorneys and judges know each other. She bragged about this to our sons. What now?

We had the final hearing in Oct 2005. The judges order came out end of Nov - beginning of Dec. My attorney filed a Motion to reconsider, which we did not receive till the end of Feb, 2006. The judge stayed with his original order. We then filed a motion for findings of fact. The judge still has not replied to this yet as of my knowledge. My attorney does not return my calls. I spoke with her about 3 weeks ago and have been trying to reach her on several occaisions. My youngest son turned 18 on Feb 10, 2006. No settlement agreements.

Havn't been able to reach my attorney for several weeks.I did receive a letter from my attorney yesterday which is a copy of the opposing atty asking the Maine District Court to find me in contempt for alimony payments. I asked my attorney's secretary a few weeks ago to see about being able to have the payments direct deposited but never a got a response. I can't seem to get representation in this case whatsoever.

I am torn as to weather I should be making alimony payments or not? I mean I want to fight this and if I'm making payments during the interim I would like to do it in a manner that best protects me. She used to lie about not
receiving child support, I had to show the records of all the checks she had cashed. Every week was accounted for!
I never failed to make child supprt payments. The judge actually increased the amount I was required to pay under Maine guidelines by about $250. a month and made it retroactive back over 1 1/2 yrs to when I was still living at home. She would actually hold on to some checks and wait to cash them all at once. Then it started being deucted from my pay to DHHS State of Maine. At least she couldn't mess with those records.

A.V.

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My husband M.M. has to pay permanent alimony to his Ex-wife Marilyn.

1992 Marilyn had an affair and filed for divorce. Everything was split in half. She received $600,000.00 and he paid for her Master’s degree at Columbia University. He also paid for her Bachelors degree. M. had to pay $3500.00 month alimony. He had (Whole Life) Ins. policy that Marilyn wanted cashed in. She received the full amount of $98,455.29.

Then she wanted (Term Life) Ins. policy. Term means limited period of time. Marilyn was the (owner (meaning in control) and beneficiary) of the 7-year term policy and M. made the payments. Michael was diagnosed with Early Alzheimer’s December 1998 and had to quit work as a Physician. He took Marilyn back to court May 1999 to get alimony eliminated but the (mediator) Judge would only lower it to $2100.00 a month and now they gave it to her tax-free. They said it was because he was getting his disability tax-free.

April 2002 M. took Marilyn back to court because she is teaching at Ringling School of Art & Design in Sarasota & was working at Robb & Stucky & has a live in male friend. They have been together since March of 1994. They won’t marry because she would loose her alimony. After finding out Marilyn was fired from Robb & Stucky M.’s attorney was going to stop the proceeding but Marilyn counter sued because the (term) policy was going to expire and she wanted $250,000.00 to replace that policy.

When we realized that Judge Thompson wasn’t aware of the WHOLE life policy our Attorney wanted to present more facts and the Judge didn’t want to hear anymore. The Judge ruled M. had done an anticipatory breach by not keeping the TERM policy SHE OWNED in effect. Policy stated, could not be converted. Judge Thompson didn’t raise or lower alimony and said NO to the $250,000.00. Marilyn took it to the appellant court. We couldn’t tell the appellant court he had a whole life because we had not told Judge Thompson.

The 3 Judges granted her $250,000.00 to receive if he dies before her and she is still eligible. Yet alimony is supposed to stop when he dies. They are treating the Insurance policy as though it were a WHOLE life. This lawsuit that started in 2002 is not over. Next court date is May 1st. 2006 with a new Judge that really doesn’t know the case. So far $63,019.41 for M.’s attorney and the Judge made M. pay $51,591.68 to Marilyn’s attorney and She is now asking for $7500,00 more in fees.

Marilyn is still teaching Interior Design at Ringling and since 2003 is the Interior Designer at Sternberg Interiors in Sarasota. She is published in Florida Design Magazine vol.15 #4 starting on page 118. The law is allowing these men and women receiving alimony to get a free ride and it is not fair. Permanent alimony should be abolished. Please change the law now.

My husband will need his money for his care. We thank you for your time.

M.M.
Ft. Myers, Florida

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Dear Alimony Payors:

15 years ago, my husbands wife filed for divorce. She had multiple affairs, drank and was 49 years old. She was 3 credits away from her degree at USF but had an affair with her mentor and he ditched her so she quit school.
My dear husband is a "rich country doctor" which is a total oxymoron. The judge in Hernando Tombrink recused himself from the case because he knew all the names on the witness list.

The case went before the "HONORABLE" Victor Musleah in Ocala. He awarded her with a beach house, 300,000.00, 2/3rds of my husbands retirement 750,000.00 commercial land worth hundreds of thousands. and more plus 5000.00 per month lifetime alimony to cease only when she remarries"not" and when R. or she dies. During the divorce she was told to stay away from the family home, she went in, took the antiques, the grand piano ect. The court fined her 100.00 and did not make her give anything back.

She had been living with R. during the divorce and after. 8 years ago we took the case back to court for downward modification.

We proved that she was commingling funds by finding R. retirement checks in her past checks, she was also supporting R. adult daughter who was well able to support herself. The judge ordered a downward modification of 1000,00 per month. She appealed.

We took it to the 5th Judicial Court of appeals. They told us that: she can use her monies for alcohol, children, other men because it is her alimony and she can use it any way she wishes. We had to return 12,000.00 that we had pulled out of her monthly alimony pay all attorneys fees, 55,000.00. and suck it up. No where in the appeals did they include me in the amount of monies he made the courts didn't look at the fact that there was another person in the mix, the made all assets his and none of them mine after 8 years, now 14 years of marriage. They should have cut half of his earnings out because of me.

My husband is 62 years old, doesn't know what the Hell he's going to do because he can't retire and pay alimony. She is eligible to get Social Security in 3 years to the tune of about 2,000.00 per month. She has invested wisely and at last search, she had made money grow to approx 1.5 million. In court she called it her nest egg, not her retirement. She just sold her Ocean Front Home for 750,000.00 and paid nothing for it. The lady is loaded. She got rid of the man and they are friends now.

It gets worse: Victor Musleah is now on the 5th Judicial Circuit Court, Appellate Division. If we have to take it to appeals, he would have to overturn his own decision, which isn't likely to happen. We have paid 3/4 of a million dollars in alimony to date.

He could have retired. Not to mention the legal fees involved in all of it, and the money it will cost to take her back to court. 

I have no problem at all with a 50/50 division of funds and assets, I think the wife or husband should get half. But ALIMONY ON TOP OF A LARGE ALMOST 2 MILLION SETTLEMENT. SHE COULD HAVE LIVED ON THE INVESTMENTS ALONE. NOW SHE SPENDS 8,000.00 A MONTH WITH HER NEST EGG/RETIREMENT AND 5000.00 A MONTH IN MY AND MY HUSBANDS SWEAT EQUITY.

I have had it, I watch my husband work very hard, Do surgeries on emergencies in the middle of the night and she can lay on the couch all day and watch television.

That is our story,
R. S.
Brooksville, FL

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Letter to FL House of Representative Phillip J. Brutus:

My name is D.P. and I am a firefighter in the city of Jacksonville. I am a 17 year veteran. I also own a hardwood flooring company that I operate on my days off. I work approxamately 120 hours per week.

I am writing to you today to ask you to consider the alimony reform bill you have received for review.

I became a "victim" of FL Statute 61.08 on Dec. 8 2005. After learning of my ex-wife's third affair, I made the difficult and also PRIVATE DECISION to divorce. I never knew what an education I was in for.

I am now being forced under the threat of imprisonment to pay an adultress ex-wife $2,200.00 per month for the rest of my life or until she re-marries. I am also force to maintain a $200,000 life insurance policy with her as beneficiary. She will also receive $951.00 per month of my pension benefits when I "retire".

Sir, this is INVOLUNTARY SERVITUDE, an invasion of my private life, and is unconstitutional. The family court system in Florida is totally out of control and this particular statute gives the judiciary very BROAD DISCRETION when awarding alimony. It is also a violation of the SEPERATION OF POWERS ACT.

IT IS LEGAL SLAVERY!!

Rep. Brutus, I am asking you to please STOP THIS MADNESS.

There a many like me in our great state, men and WOMEN.

There are 2nd wives of husbands that are suffering along with their husband while he is a slave to his ex-wife. There are women that are paying to ex-husbands for the REST OF THEIR LIVES just because they made a PRIVATE DECISION to dissolve their marrage.

I ask for your consideration on introducing this bill.

Thank You
D.P.
Jacksonville, FL

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Letter to FL House of Representative Phillip J. Brutus:

My name is R.H. I am writing you today to ask that you strongly consider supporting the new alimony bill that you have received for review.

Here is my story. I left my wife of 23 years. I am a retired Navy O-4 with 24 years of service. My wife was awarded Alimony for life in the amount of $1000 per month as well as 50 percent of my Navy retirement “PAY”. After I pay the alimony, my net retirement pay is $427.02 per month before taxes for 24 years of service! I have now paid alimony at this level for 14 years.

In early 1993 my ex wife moved in with her significant other. They lived together in his house for the first couple of years where she paid his mortgage payment as well as money to fix up his house. Then she bought a house of her own in Satellite Beach in 1995. They moved there together and sold his house. They are still living there together today after 13 years. He contributes to the mortgage payment and other household expenses.

I took her back to court in 2000 to try to get alimony reduced or eliminated. She had more than doubled her annual income to approximately $40,000, was receiving about $1500 per month as half my retirement pay, was receiving the $1000 per month alimony and had someone else sharing her expenses. Her net worth in 2000 had grown to about $350,000 (This was her estimate which was well beyond conservative). To her credit, my ex wife has invested almost all of the alimony she has received (discovered in the 2000 court proceedings) which is a very strong indicator that she does not need the alimony for living expenses. She has made no effort whatsoever to go back to school or to improve her skills.

Our (current wife and my) net worth was well below hers in 2000 and we are not free spenders. Of course I started 1992 very far in debt as a result of having to pay all divorce expenses while maintaining two residences through the completion of the divorce. It took years for me to dig back to ground zero again. The Brevard Judge who heard my case in 2000 agreed in his findings that I had a non-frivolous case. However, he did not change anything since (due to inflation) my alimony had he said, for all practical purposes, gone down already. He did make my ex pay all her own attorney’s fees since she could easily afford them. No judge wants to set a precedent such as terminating alimony in the State of Florida even if it is the right thing to do.

Since 2000 my ex wife has changed jobs again and is making even more money now. I know the company she works for (since I used to work for them too) and they are very generous with both salary and significant pension plan (beyond 401K). With the new SB52 (cohabitation bill), I have given some thought to taking her back to court again, but the judges will be very reluctant to establish case law favorable to those of us paying alimony.

Unless or until I can get rid of the alimony, I will have a very difficult time retiring for good. I will be 60 years old this coming May. If I try to retire and am forced to continue paying this alimony, my ex wife will live in luxury while I live in poverty. That is simply not fair to any of the men or women in Florida who must pay alimony for life or go to jail for making a private decision to get divorced. There are many examples of Florida men and women having to use their Social Security payments to continue providing alimony for 30 years and more – far longer than they were married.

The Alimony laws of the State of Florida are archaic and should be changed. Consider the model of Texas where just a couple of years of rehabilitative support is the norm for those who have the ability to improve themselves. Many states have no alimony. I ask for your consideration in introducing this new bill.

Respectfully;
R.H.
LCDR USN (ret)
Lakewood, CO

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My case has been in the courts since 1989 I have diabetes, menere's diseasse, bells palsy, blood in my stool, vertigo and high blood pressure.

I have reached the point where I am now being forced to pay $185. a month in arrears even though my exwife makes over 50k a year and my twin sons are 21 drive brand new cars and my oldest son is 24 and drives a brand new car, my Sons live in a $200,000 home with pool and spa my ex bought, while I
live in one room in My Mother's home.

I need specfic case law that allows the court to remove the arrears payments based on the fact my health and the prescriptions and doctors visits eat up 100% of my 10k yearly salary.

Can you help me with specific case law, simply that provides for cases where for medical reasons a Judge has granted the lifting of arrears payments due to a former husband's health condition? It is a simple request.

I wish I had money to pay you but I barely can afford to keep myself alive. I am representing myself in this matter. I cannot afford an atty. She is provided one free by the state.

Thank You,
R.U.
Sarasota, Florida

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Letter to FL House of Representative Phillip J. Brutus:

I am writing you as a member of CFLAP to support the alimony reform bill.

I was divorced in 1999 in Lee Co. by Judge Ralph Stearns. My $5000 per month lifetime alimony has been reduced to $2500 per month - which is still unmanageable. I have since re-married and the alimony is a constant burden.

My ex-wife has foilowed me through the courts in Massachsuetts and Georgia. I had to agree to a $70,000 back alimony to prevent being incarcerated. I have had to file for Ch.13 bankruptcy because I could not afford to pay back
income taxes and credit cards and pay the exorbitant alimony.

I have filed Pro Se motions in Lee County court, Florida State Court and the 11th District Court with no resolution.

I am seriously considering two employment offers in Dublin, Ireland in order to escape this alimony madness. I also am considering a job in Texas which may allow me to escape the Florida courts when my ex tries to domesticate
the wage garnishment order.

Florida court mandated alimony really is an invasion of my right to privacy. If I was married I could choose to not work and would not have to face incarceration for contempt of court for non-income. But since I am divorced,
I don't have that option. Nor can I choose a lesser job at a lesser salary.

Thank you for the consideration.

M.G.
Ft. Myers, FL

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Mr. K.D.,

As my lawyer, I would like to inform you of my response to your letter of 2-27-2006:

Based on your letter of 2-27-2006 in regards to the plaintiff 's settlement proposal, I would like to respond to that , but I feel that many if not all issues involve legal and constitutional rights which I have limited knowledge of and feel that is why I need a lawyer to advise me on those issues.Their offer seems to demand that all the assets to be given her, pay all children medical expenses, take all cash assets and have me pay all debts while taking more money from my half of the equitable distribution for paying previous bills and debts, she takes 95% of personal items in the marital house, I pay my legal fees with the crumbs that left over for me, split my pension and then require me to use my share to pay her alimony for the rest of my life with the option to drag me into court at anytime they feel like it.

The best thing about this is that I am on Social Security disability which won't keep up with their alimony COLA, which means I will soon become broke, default on my new lease and end up in jail because I won't be able to pay the alimony. Is that fair and equitable? No, not even close.

Since you have clearly stated in your letter that you will not have the opportunity to speak with me tomorrow the 28th and we only had a two hour discussion for preparation for the 3-1-06 trial; I feel that we will be going into this highly critical stage of my litigation, (which will effect me for the rest of my life), totally unprepared.

I feel that we need to Subpoena her medical records and request that she goes to another doctor of our choice for evaluation and a second opinion. We don't even know what doctor recommended the medical procedures or if a doctor even did. What timing a coincidence!

PLEASE POSTPONE THE TRIAL AND REQUEST A NEW DATE. Put my life on hold again. We need the rest of there Interrogatory and Notice for Production of Documents answers and documents of proof that she did not provide yet (she said, "privileged", "N/A", "to be supplied". The last answer ( " to be supplied").was in regards to all doctors seen in last 36 months. When do you think she was going to supply them, next year?
She won't sell the house soon anyway; she's in a stall mode.

K.O.
New Jersey

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Trust me- it's no better in Illinois. My husband is paying his ex $3750/45k plus 3k annually for kid's health insurance plus 2k annually for additional activities, plus $150.00 a week, per child (2) for out of network psychologists, plus his income has been reduced to 65K BEFORE taxes- plus ungodly attorney's fees that keep coming. Bear in mind there is NOTHING wrong emotionally with these teenagers accept a deranged, jealous, bitter Mother. She wanted the divorce and my husband got stuck for 2 years of dragging on the nightmare.

Illinois does not promote permanent alimony- they were married for 18 years and then separated, celebrating their 20 anniversary across a mediation table. She is 46, has a college degree and was a bank VP when they married. Her wealthy father supplements her income of 65k plus- in addition, pays all of her attorney's fees and then she sues my husband for more "crap". As the "agreement" reads- it looks like permanent unallocated maintenance of $3750/$45,000 until she is dead. She inherited over 100K last year according to an ally of my husband's. She also has a new job making more money but I don't know how to prove any of this.

The judge told my husband (we were just dating at the time) he should settle w/this or it would be worse at trial. He can't afford college for his daughter next year. The evil witch will likely pay the tuition ( her Dad will) and she'll sue my husband even though she won't sit down and talk to him about this. It's frightening that a judge would allow a man to have to pay this for life and then some... His daughter is now 18 and his son is 15, going on 16. With no money for college for these kids, I don't know what the court will say here. It's really scary. Trust me, $1,000.00 monthly for life would be a lot better.

I can never stop working and I am likely not going to be ale to quit work so I can raise a child we want to adopt. He has to pay an evil witch 45K to spend on herself- trust me, she shops for sale clothes at Kohl's and spends thousands on a new sport SUV for herself and redecorating the house. He has NOTHING but debt and it continues to grow and I am scared to death about what kind of future we have.

He was making 110K and now making 65K as he has to give her 45K. She claimed in court (her jackass attorney) that as a college graduate and ex- bank vice president, she was only able to make 20K with her personal business. What a crock. My husband also pays over 3k for health insurance, a fortune of debt for psychologists she forces them to continue to see, 3k plus interest left for his son's braces, 2k annually for extra children's activities b/c the 45k is not enough for this greedy miserable piece of white trash.

He has emptied any savings from 401K to pay for ongoing attorney's fees. The decree is a nightmare. The attorney says he will have to go back and fight but with what? She gets a ton of money from her Dad, has a new job and we don't know how to verify this... It's just awful. She also got the house which is valued at 750K right now. They are suppose to discuss a special ed college program for their daughter and agree between themselves how to pay for this. She will ignore this, have her Dad pay the 30K for the year and sue my husband for all of it.She will then increase her income even more because she won't disclose her new employment I don't know what to do. She should be held in contempt for failure to disclose a better job and more income (modifying the 45K she gets)and not complying with the parenting agreement to disclose new employment and to agree to sit down and discuss this child's future.

His CS obligation would have been about 17k for 2 children in Illinois or 13K for one. His daughter is 18 now and though she is mentally handicapped, she is very high functioning and able to learn to live independently of her codependent mother. If this child can go to a college support program, he should be relieved of the CS for her so he could apply that toward school. It's a nightmare. He cannot continue at this pace. Can they force him to take out a loan when he will have no extra $$ to pay the loan back? Someone wake me from the nightmare.

C.B.
Unknown City

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Letter to FL House of Representative Phillip J. Brutus:

I am writing to request that you strongly consider supporting the alimony reform bill in Florida. The law as currently in effect becomes a travesty to justice to far too many people, and millions of dollars are spent enforcing these archaic laws. If we are truly a land striving for equality, there should be equality everywhere, between men and women, especially under the law.

The current laws promote detachment of the father from the family, where the wife will receive a 'retirement income' many times for the rest of her life. Divorce is a terrible thing, and we would truly be better off without it. However, we live in a time where divorce is in fact a reality for many families. The laws refuse to accept this, and don't allow people to move on. Is there no hope of starting again after divorce? Although I am a woman, and I have been divorced, I feel alimony laws consider me helpless to move on, to better myself. Additionally, second families are also a reality. How can a family move on with life when the husband remains in financial bondage to a previous marriage?

I believe the laws in the state of Florida on this subject are preposterous. Most people from other states stare in disbelief when we tell them the family laws here relating to alimony. They are truly ridiculous laws, and it will take someone of common sense and common decency to change them. That person will be up against big government, big attorneys and disgruntled judges. This has turned into big business and as a result hundreds of families suffer, especially children of remarried families.

Did you know that in Florida they put men in jail for being unable to pay their alimony? I'm not talking about men with money who refuse to pay out of spite, I'm talking about men with new families to support who can't make ends meet. Innocent men, who have not committed any crime, sitting in jail cells while their lives unravel. Once in jail, how can they keep up with their job, or mortgages, or anything? How many lives must be destroyed?

I personally know of THREE men who have served jail time because they were absolutely unable to come up with the money to make these payments. If you look into this matter, you will not believe what you'll find. You could be a hero to all of these families and expose a terrible wrong that has been happening here in Florida. I pray that you will.

Sincerely,
K. F.
W. Palm Beach, FL

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i need help badly..just finished hearing after i was 100%disabled, to abolish alimony(1750.00) a month. my
reduced income(disability) is 3700.00per month part from disability insurance i had at work.. and approx 1900.00 from social security disability..i have a 401 k acct and an ira acct..both awarded to me through the original divorce.. that is all the monies i have..at the time of the last hearing i had 1600.00 in checking..and 100.00 in savings..telling you this so you know what the judge had to look at..wife is working and very healthy no ills or medical problems..
two years of college..divorce was because of her abuse(not documented by law enforcement) of our son at the time of the divorce 17 yrs. old. to cut to the chase.. at the divorce..the judge gave her the house and 2wo of the three cars..the third car,my son's, is what i was given.. and i had 2500.00 in checking no savings..he made me pay her lawyer the 2500.00..effectively putting me in the street homeless and penniless with my only monies to be my next
paycheck...

i certainly couldn't use my 401 or ira accts..i would lose a thirdfor early withdrawl and taxes..not withstanding i would/might need that money for emergency use..divorce was march of 04..dis abled with chronic emphysema which is terminal) the following nov...no mony for 4 months...i stopped alimony pmts..in nov..( i had no income)..hearing was put off several times till feb 06..judge ordered approx 26,000 in arrearages plus a continuation of 1750.00 per month plus her health insurance approx 300.00 a month...the total per month is 54% of my disability income..leaving me approx 1600.00 per month. my only recourse in paying the arrearages..as he was well aware.. was to cash in my 401 k...

i have no personal health insurance because the cost is prohibitive with all my other expenses..also not eligible for medicare for two years from disablement..so i was intending to use the retirement accounts as a safeguard against medical costs..my disease 'will' get worse..not better...my son was locked out of his mother's house the week of his 18th b-day.. we had joint custody..i was a tugboat captain and away at work at the time..she literally put him in the street...he was still in high school at the time...he was able to make it out to the county to the shack i had managed to acquire(built in 1958..it really is a shack)and had very little to eat and no amenities..like aircondition or even a selection of food..of which there was very little..anyway..

i now face an appeal.. and if not overturned..contempt charges and jail time..for the second time i'm to be indigent and homeless.. for what? a mean vindictive woman..that abused our child? i was a good husband and i'm a great father..i have been a hard working honest citizen all my life..only to end up a criminal in my dying days ? for what?.. my present home/shack is in theodore alabama

M.L.

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A letter written to all of the Florida Senators:

I am writing to you because Governor Bush suggested that it would be a good idea to let everyone in the legislature know what is going on.

After my recent correspondence with Mr. Bush, outlining some of the injustices to the common men/women of Florida who are required to pay "lifetime" alimony; I am hoping that it is NOT as everyone says it is----"a legal scam" etc, and just that somehow, someway things got out of balance and that the good people in the legislature will look long and hard at what is happening in the "real world". The judges and courts are really just following the laws that are in place---soooo in reality, it isn't ALL their fault...however---something needs to be done about the laws and real quick!!!

I am NOT a wealthy entrepreneur or upscale executive. Just a commoner---an estimator that works for a Masonry Contractor making about $60,000 per year. Out of this annual salary which nets me about $3500 per month, I pay $2500 in Child Support ( 2 children/$1500) and Permanent alimony ($1000 per month) to my former spouse, leaving me to exist on $1000 per month for myself. In case anyone has looked around lately, this is not enough to even get me a studio apt. to live in, let alone food or medical expenses--I have been living in limbo with friends for 5 years---in their guest room. This isn't temporary and I am NOT a young man---48 years old, so chances are my salary isn't going to increase---it would be more likely to decrease. Do you know what happens then?....this is really baaaddd.....because the court "requires" that I stay at this salary level for the rest of my life in order to pay my former spouse what is "due" to her. Now what is fair about this, I'm not sure? ...and what is going to happen to me when I retire and collect Social Security...if I have to pay $1000 per month---then what???...I will possibly have $20 per month to live on???

My former spouse, on the other hand, has decided that since she gets $1000 per month after taxes for the rest of her life, she really doesn't have much incentive to return to the workforce in any capacity and works at jobs that are cash, so they don't have to be reported and can't e tracked. So she can just sit back and collect money and really has no initiative while I work 80 hours per weeks to support her. Are we "divorced"??...I thought so---but why then, am I paying HER for as long as I live?? Something is "grossly" wrong and I am hoping that you ALL can get things under control a bit.

Please take a close look at Texas Alimony law. There is a 3-year cap. There is a fixed maximum amount. That makes sense. Sometimes, I understand that there is a need for certain individuals whether/men or women to rehabilitate in order to reenter the workforce. That is understandable and I support some assistance for a short period of time. I---however, have already been paying for 5 years with no possible end in sight. Read on--- below for the nightmare on Child Support.

I am NOT alone....there are many, many MEN and WOMEN---yessss there are women too--- just like me here in Florida who are required to pay someone FOREVER!!! If I was your son/daughter, I know that you would possibly look at this differently...paying someone they were "formerly" married too---for the rest of their lives. So please give this some consideration. This is NOT child support---this is ALIMONY---PERMANENT ALIMONY should not be a permanent vacation ticket for either party of a dissolved marriage. NO ONE should be required to do anything "forever"---after all, we are not even guaranteed jobs "forever", so how can we be required to pay someone else from our non-guaranteed salary?

Now---if there wasn't enough salt in the wound, when my daughter reached the age of majority, I called the Courthouse, sent proof of her age and asked that Child Support for her be stopped. That was over two years ago. I was told that the way the dissolution was structured, I would have to reapproach the courts to "modify" the amount of Child Support I was paying. Now ---call me "simple"....but here we go---$1500 divided by 2 = $750....hey if you even want to add $100 or something into it---OK?...but what I have to pay to go back to court? I tried to save attorney fees and file ProSe...if you have ever tried to do this---"good luck"...my former wife's attorney pulled some---something...whatever???---it got dismissed. I tried again to negotiate with the help of a Father's resource group and have them negotiate with the former wife. To NO avail---she refused to accept a reduction and wants to get the same amount for one child that she got for two. $400 later and no more luck, I tried to file again Pro Se, borrowed money to retain an attorney $3500---through stalling of my former wife's attorney and her refusal to submit financials, the $3500 is almost gone and we haven't even gotten to mediation. If you keep in mind---this is ALL to stop Child Support for a Child that is NOW 20 years old, has been gainfully employed working two jobs since she was 18 with my former spouse collecting the child support money.

I need someone---someplace to crack down on these "deadbeat spouses"....forget about the deadbeat dads---it's not just one gender that is abusing the system ---ok???!!

Please take this seriously and take a good hard look at what is going on within the system!!

Sincerely,

P.B.
Sarasota, FL

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Letter to FL House of Representative Phillip J. Brutus:

As a representative of the legislature system, respectfully, I submit this to you.  I am a retired veteran of the US Army and a victim of Statute 61.08 as well as a victim of a judge’s BROAD DISCRETION when awarding alimony  Having been married to a woman who absolutely refused to work, the system, acting in its anarchy consideration awarded my ex-wife substantial amount alimony.  Not withstanding that she gave undisputed testimony that she merely refused to work, and not that she could not work.  And as a result of her refusal to work demeanor, the court rewarded her with a substantial amount in permanent alimony

With this being said, I plea to you to assistance in supporting the current proposed bill to correct a wrong that has been on-going for more than 20 years.  Not only is the court system out of control, but serious consideration needs to be given to correcting an antiquated statute to instill equality and justice, not injustice.

Respectfully, please give these proposed changes great consideration and support.

Respectfully submitted,

T.S.
Tampa, FL

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OK ALL,

I am at the end of my rope! I posted a message the other day concerning my dilema. I am not a member of the abolish alimoney group, but a member of this site. I just recieved a notice from the attorney now stating that the court is asking her why I am not living up to my bargain. I don't have 6,000 dollars a month to give to her. How is that? So I have called my attorney for an appointment next week. At that time I am telling her am not paying. I will then go to court and they can put me in jail. I will stay as long as I need and let the state take care of me. I wish the members would help in this manner if anyone could tell me of a good newspaper person that would be there or may be interested in my dilema. I want someone to hear and read about my opinion of the imbalance in the decision, the bias of the judge, my ex wife's vindictiveness since.

I will have to shut my physical therapy clinic down also, and there will be many patients very disappointed. This is the only way that I may be able to be heard, as well as having an attorney that misrepresented, and another attorney that would have appealed but asked for 20,000 dollars I did not have. I don't have the ability to borrow any money as my credit is shot since the divorce. I hope by doing this it may help the organization some maybe. At least some positive may occur if I am heard a little bit.

S.M.
Ft. Myers, FL

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I think I am painted in a corner.I was subpoenaed by the ex. I am trying to get my child support reduced because my daughter is 20, and my alimony recalculated. During the interview my lawyer suggested that
I put $15,000 into his trust account to cover possible alimony shortfalls.. I agreed to this. I was also volunteered to hire a forensic accountant to establish my income. I gave him a down payment of $2500. this is almost gone and we are not even 10% through. I can't afford this! I am a mechanic and I have a "small" shop. I am paying $2000 a month alimony and her house payment. I am getting a night shift job with an airlines to help make ends meet.

What are my options here??

V.S.


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My name is J.B, I was divorced in 2000 in Florida where my  wife  got everything including a $750 a month permanent alimony support she had a lawsuit against the company she was working for slip and fall injury,
but she played the courts with it when I got divorced. Shotly after she  gets her settlement and my money awarded to her she starts going back to work (supposedly hurt) then around the early part of 2002 my ex meets a  man they
fall head over heels and she ends up moving in with the guy shortly after.

Then my kids started telling me of things she was doing that she never done before in our marriage such as riding motorcycle, playing golf, fishing things that I consider not so good if you had your back or shoulders hurting from prior injuries. So with that I talked with an attorney about taking her back to court around august 2002, my ex just started another job and my attorney told me to wait a few months for her to get established at her work then I would need to file for modification, so I did and around November 2002 I proceeded to take her back to court.

This battle went on on for more than 4 years until this past Monday 4/10, I had went to court finally to try out of bondage and be able to move on with my life, and I had the new Bill in place on cohabition where the judge has to review this. Needless to say I lost again after paying my attorney 13-14 thousand now I still have to coniues to pay $750 a month permanently and also have to pay a portion of her attorneys fee of between 4-5 thousand dollars. My ex and her attorney had where her boyfriend and her stopped being romantically involved so they say and she was paying him $300 dollars a month rent like a roommate, and the judge bought it. I feel once again that I was discriminated against because I was a man and the judge did not see through all of her lies. I am all for to abolish alimony, I live in North Carolina with my new wife but cannot move on without the lingering of this alimony hovering over me.

How far along are you in getting petion signatures to get this on the  florida ballot? Have any others in Florida have any luck in getting out of their alimony? Is there anything I can do since what just happened to me? I
 just said an overview there is so much more. I feel like I am a slave to my ex and the florida courts which is violating my rights. Can you share some enlightenment I would appreciate it. Is there people located in North
 Carolina I can make contact with? I live in Gastonia. Thanks for your
 time.

J.B.


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Date last updated: 09/02/2008