Note: These are
actual emails obtained from people writing to us,
The Alliance For Freedom
From Alimony, Inc.,
Citizens For Liberty And Privacy, and posts from the
Group Forum. The names have been deleted for privacy.
To see many other
check out this blog.
My husband and I recently
married. I've known him for years and years and was fully aware
of the alimony order in place from their divorce 4 years ago.
They were only married for 10 years.
Problem is that she became enraged when she found out that we
got married and had the audacity to purchase a new home. The one
thing that she doesn't know is that I make considerably more
money than he does (about 3x). So everything that we have is
because I purchased it.
Long story short, she's taking him back to court for payment of
arrearages owed (from when he was unemployed in 2003 and the
alimony was $350 a week) and for contempt of court. The contempt
charges stem from the credit reporting bureaus.
When they divorced they had a considerable amount of credit card
debt which of course he got so kindly ordered to pay. But during
the time which he was unemployed he was unable to make the
payments on time every time. He didn't miss a single payment and
hasn't since, but some were late and since the credit was in
both their names it got reported to her SSN also. So she is
suing him for not "holding her harmless".
This woman is highly educated, a former school teacher and now a
paralegal making almost double his income.
I've tried researching the laws in our state (OH) to see if I
can find any way to get out of this ridiculous obligation, but
the only information that I can find is geared towards the
recipient. I can't find a single law, judgement, or ruling that
protects the payor.
I'm sorry, but it's women that do these sort of things that give
the rest of us a bad name!
Another thing that blows me
away is that if you divorce and have an alimony obligation, they
can prevent you from changing careers if that meant less money
was available to support the "entitled" party.
How did we lose this right to choose our own employment
situation simply because we got divorced?
I am considering doing this, and had a chat with my attorney
Friday about the ramifications of doing this - and was warned
This brings up another constitutional issue (I think - but maybe
I am wrong)...when did her rights supercede my rights? I can
understand if we were talking about a child, but we're talking
about another adult. So if you are married or single or divorced
without any alimony obligation, you are free to do whatever you
want employment wise - but if you have an alimony obligation,
you are essentially a slave.
My attorney said "well if you can get a doctor in to testify
that you are sick and continuing to work in this line of work
will eventually kill you"... I probably can get such testimony -
but it burns me up that I would have to go to that
trouble...whatever happened to I just don't like doing this
anymore and would like to do something else? Why is it the
court's business what I choose to do?
I'm stuck where I'm at. I have to continue to do a job I don't
like because it benefits another adult who has an entitlement at
my expense. If I quit and do something else, then I am
voluntarily underemployed and they can still attribute my
previous salary regardless of what I am making....that is the
crux of my complaint though...how can this not be some violation
of my rights to tell me what I can and cannot do to earn a
living and that I have to
make "x" amount of dollars or more....
And they wonder why violence happens....
From the woman's side:
I need help!! My ex is taking
me back to court for contempt. I have not been paying alimony
since my severance package ran out. I then filed for
unemployemnt because my Mom got sick and I was taking her to all
her doctors' appointments since she was not allowed to drive. My
unemployment ran out in April and I have been borrowing against
my credit card. I have started looking for a job, but so far I
haven't been able to find one in the area. My ex is now asking
me to bring in all my information about my retirement fund. I
worked for the corporation for 28 years and was only married 8.
I have been paying alimony
since 1995 which is supposed to be permanent since he is a quad.
(even though I married him after his accident) He lives in the
house that we (I) renovated and has his brother and now my ex's
girlfriend also lives there. Now his attorney is telling me to
bring to court all my pension plan papers. Is anyone familiar
with Qualified Domestic Relations Order?
Rex and I have sent a
petition in to the united nations as we have no where else to
turn on rex's case.we have paid over 9,000 so far this year and
over 10,000 last year and his total debt has grown to
73,292.76.january 06 he was at 74,148.66 total debt.jan 06 back
cs was 10,635.21 it is now 4511.03.back spousal in jan 06 was
42,794.85.it is now 47,028.85.interest at 21,752.88.
dhr is claiming a computer
software problem shut down the current spousal in nov 05 and
they just figured it out in aug 06,so they have ajusted it
all.they take between 1100 and 1200t per month 50%garnishment
and add 1500 t per month, there is no way to pay this debt.Rex's
doctor wants him disabled he has enough medical problems to do
this,his ex wife would take half that for the rest of his life
also.he currently works 6 days a week 12 hour shifts and climbs
ladders straight up over 40 feet with a crippled arm that cannot
make a fist nor grip any thing tightly,
he has fallen into the chip
trailors he loads twice now and lucky he landed inside the semi
trailor onto the wood chips rather than onto the ground,the
slightest touch on the crippled arm causes massive bruising and
heavy bleeding,a very thin cut that wouldn't even bleed on you
or me bleeds over 24 hours if he should get a serious cut he
will bleed to death before any one could help him.his judge
refused his medical records and was very sympathetic to his ex's
undiognosed illness-no med records entered for her. this all
occured in the non-alimony state of alabama.anyway i mailed our
petition to the un tuesday and if any one else has no where else
to turn I would like to see other people send petitions
A reply to an article written
by Ms. Stern
Your Reuter's article from Washington is well taken, giving
excellent advice to the divorcing spouse. The article is gender
biased but I would like to assume it applies to the many women
who are paying alimony.
But lets take a look at how
it really works based on my personal experience, which is
typical of most "experiences" by the male giver in a divorce
My "X" did hire all of the
consultants you recommended and I had none, being quite naive at
the time. So the bottom line was that she ended up with lifetime
alimony (her life). This means that I can never remarry with a
state license for fear of my new spouse being sued for alimony
payments. The "X" is litigious to a fault. The "family law
system" has also made it illegal for me to marry without a
license. She received 100% of the market value of the house, I
made up the difference between what it actually sold for and the
That and other cash
entitlements that her consultants felt she needed meant that I
ended up with negative cash flow and was required to sell all
(three pieces) of the North Georgia property I received in the
settlement. That left me with $199 of a 30 year aerospace
pension, no savings, and no social security as I developed a
heart condition and had to retire before social security
So I am now 70 years old,
have a significant other and we live up here in the mountains on
my social security. We don't use the air conditioner and cut our
wood for heat in the winter. We do odd jobs to supplement the
social security. Our entertainment is Saturday night when we go
to Arbys and Wally World. The "X" vacations in Australia and
Europe and makes two trips from her gated community in the Sail
Fish Capitol of the World to Connecticut in her Chrysler
convertible. This year she plans a trip to England.
Please take another look.
Interview some men. Get the real story.
Governor Bush (Florida),
I am Carl E. Durham (USA COL Retired Medically) and in my
opinion, my civil rights as a 100% Total and Permanent Disabled
American Veteran have been severely violated by Judge Kerry
Evander, Brevard County. He has put me in a position where I
cannot afford a place to live and at the brink of bankruptcy.
In a ruling he made yesterday, he has awarded $800.00 dollars in
permanent alimony above and beyond half of my military
retirement and half of my Concurrent Retirement Disability Pay (CRDP).
He has stated that if he cannot garnish my CRDP, he will make me
pay it in permanent alimony, which is approximately $1347.00 a
month. I talked to Senator Nelson Office in late Fall 05, and
his assistants for VA and Social Security Disability (SSD) out
of his Orlando Office stated, if Judge Evander awarded any
dollars other than child support that got into my VA or SSD, it
would be a direct violation of US Federal Statute, Title 38 for
VA and I believe 45 for SSD. Also, DOD disability is protected
under Title 10, Chapter 61, if I'm not mistaken.
On or about 10 Nov 2006, in his chambers, he let my ex-spouses
lawyer, demeaned me without saying a word. The lawyer called me
a section 8, I was honorably discharged. He stated I wish I
could be 46 and never work again
and he made fun of one of my service connect disabilities,
fibromyalgia. Judge Evander never said a word to the lawyer. At
that point I knew I was going to be done wrong by this judge.
Based on the information above, I wanted to file a motion to
have Judge Evander step down, but my lawyer didn't think it was
sufficient grounds. Also, after my ex-spouse found out that
Judge Evander was appointed, she stated to me that her friends
John and Susanne Bernard had influence with him, not sure if I
have correct spelling on last name. However, would request that
the above be looked into to determine if there is any
connection. I wanted Judge Evander challenged on this the day of
the hearing but my lawyer didn't do what I asked.
Bottom line, Judge Evander kicked me out of my home even though
he didn't have grounds to do so. My ex-spouse filed an
injunction against me two days after I filed for divorce and
even tough there was no merit to the allegations, he removed me
from my house. When I had been taking care of my children while
my ex-spouse wasn't coming home. The judge stated in his first
ruling, if he based temporary custody on my ex-spouses current
behavior he would most likely awarded the husband custody, but
since she had been the long term care provider during a military
career, he would award her custody.
After I left the home, the children went from 3.5 and above
grade point averages to below 2.0. I believe his lack of
discernment and favoritism toward women precludes him from being
fair and balanced. Also, the ex-spouse exposed my children to
alcohol and drugs and the judge could have gotten the
information from a Judge in Tennessee, Unicoi County, but his
social workers and family support coordinator didn't want to do
Everything has been blamed on me because my 16 year old daughter
told the judge I said something bad about her mother. Her
mother, in front of her and my 14 year old Son, stated words to
the effect to me by phone that she
had not just F'd the two guys I found about, but she had f'd
about 10 others and the one she was f'ing at the time was a guy
I played football with in Alabama. I never said anything to my
children that would rise to this level. I've been set up and
C.D., COL USA Ret
Yesterday I went to the final
hearing to make my divorce "official", but presented to the
judge a new mitigating circumstance: my ex was arrested for
child abuse last month for beating up his almost 18 year old
son. The judge was interested in this, but my ex's attorney
pointed out that she talked to the state attorney and the
will be dropped. Well, without a conviction I had no lever to
change my "mediated settlement" in regards with our 50/50 child
However, I made a case
against my child support payment written in the agreement
because in the child support worksheet added to the mediated
agreement the $1300 of alimony she will receive was not deducted
to my income and added as her income. This would reduce my child
support payment from $1500 to the correct amount of $800 –
again, we share the kids 50/50. I did make a stink about it with
my attorney and the mediator, but ex wanted a total of $2800 a
One of the issues here is
that she does not want to work so I need references on imputed
income (last year during the temporary relief hearing the judge
told her that "there was no reason why she should not be
working"). Also, our mediation was Feb 8, 2006 and again she
does not work, on March she paid over $1100 for a trip for two
to an all inclusive resort in Cancun, paid over $1200 for
buccaneer tickets, flew to Salt Lake City to "visit" a friend…
Obviously she is not spending
child support money where it should be spent: the kids. And if
she is in dire need of money, why is she spending it so
frivolously. The judge granted us the divorce, but withheld on
the child support amount mediated. We will go to court again
within 30 days and I need to argue my case (I fired my attorney
after mediation `cause I paid several thousand of dollars and
all she said after I got raped during mediation was "I told
you"…) Anybody knows any references, cases, etc on the matter.
I'll make this as brief as possible. After 22 years of marriage
my wife and I started going thru a divorce. 1 1/2 years later we
had a preliminary hearing in which the judge stated 1.)that we
would either split pensions 50/ 50 because Maine is a 50 / 50
State or each keep our own. 2.) No alimony 3.) I would continue
paying child support till our youngest was 18. This was
Three months later the Judge
at our final hearing ruled that she could take 50% of my
retirement and keep all of hers. Her retirement system is a much
better plan than mine & hers is a state system. She would also
take 60% of 1 401K and 50% of the other. She will also recieve
$100.00 a week LIFE TIME ALIMONY. She earns $48,500 yr with
My base at the time was
52,500 + 8,400 Bonus for not having the company provided
insurance policy,which I would loose when I was no longer on the
wifes plan.8,000 Was also added for quarterly bonuses. These
bonuses were not this high and we havn't made them the past 2
quarters (Not Gauranteed).There isn't any stipulation such the
x-wife remarrying or financial gain to end this Life Time
Servitude. Her oldest brother has his own law firm and all the
attorneys and judges know each other. She bragged about this to
our sons. What now?
We had the final hearing in Oct 2005. The judges order came out
end of Nov - beginning of Dec. My attorney filed a Motion to
reconsider, which we did not receive till the end of Feb, 2006.
The judge stayed with his original order. We then filed a motion
for findings of fact. The judge still has not replied to this
yet as of my knowledge. My attorney does not return my calls. I
spoke with her about 3 weeks ago and have been trying to reach
her on several occaisions. My youngest son turned 18 on Feb 10,
2006. No settlement agreements.
Havn't been able to reach my attorney for several weeks.I did
receive a letter from my attorney yesterday which is a copy of
the opposing atty asking the Maine District Court to find me in
contempt for alimony payments. I asked my attorney's secretary a
few weeks ago to see about being able to have the payments
direct deposited but never a got a response. I can't seem to get
representation in this case whatsoever.
I am torn as to weather I should be making alimony payments or
not? I mean I want to fight this and if I'm making payments
during the interim I would like to do it in a manner that best
protects me. She used to lie about not
receiving child support, I had to show the records of all the
checks she had cashed. Every week was accounted for!
I never failed to make child supprt payments. The judge actually
increased the amount I was required to pay under Maine
guidelines by about $250. a month and made it retroactive back
over 1 1/2 yrs to when I was still living at home. She would
actually hold on to some checks and wait to cash them all at
once. Then it started being deucted from my pay to DHHS State of
Maine. At least she couldn't mess with those records.
My husband M.M. has to pay
permanent alimony to his Ex-wife Marilyn.
1992 Marilyn had an affair and filed for divorce. Everything was
split in half. She received $600,000.00 and he paid for her
Master’s degree at Columbia University. He also paid for her
Bachelors degree. M. had to pay $3500.00 month alimony. He had
(Whole Life) Ins. policy that Marilyn wanted cashed in. She
received the full amount of $98,455.29.
Then she wanted (Term Life) Ins. policy. Term means limited
period of time. Marilyn was the (owner (meaning in control) and
beneficiary) of the 7-year term policy and M. made the payments.
Michael was diagnosed with Early Alzheimer’s December 1998 and
had to quit work as a Physician. He took Marilyn back to court
May 1999 to get alimony eliminated but the (mediator) Judge
would only lower it to $2100.00 a month and now they gave it to
her tax-free. They said it was because he was getting his
April 2002 M. took Marilyn back to court because she is teaching
at Ringling School of Art & Design in Sarasota & was working at
Robb & Stucky & has a live in male friend. They have been together since March of 1994. They
won’t marry because she would loose her alimony. After finding
out Marilyn was fired from Robb & Stucky M.’s attorney was going
to stop the proceeding but Marilyn counter sued because the
(term) policy was going to expire and she wanted $250,000.00 to
replace that policy.
When we realized that Judge Thompson wasn’t aware of the WHOLE
life policy our Attorney wanted to present more facts and the
Judge didn’t want to hear anymore. The Judge ruled M. had done
an anticipatory breach by not keeping the TERM policy SHE OWNED
in effect. Policy stated, could not be converted. Judge Thompson
didn’t raise or lower alimony and said NO to the $250,000.00.
Marilyn took it to the appellant court. We couldn’t tell the
appellant court he had a whole life because we had not told
The 3 Judges granted her $250,000.00 to receive if he dies
before her and she is still eligible. Yet alimony is supposed to
stop when he dies. They are treating the Insurance policy as
though it were a WHOLE life. This lawsuit that started in 2002
is not over. Next court date is May 1st. 2006 with a new Judge
that really doesn’t know the case. So far $63,019.41 for M.’s
attorney and the Judge made M. pay $51,591.68 to Marilyn’s
attorney and She is now asking for $7500,00 more in fees.
Marilyn is still teaching Interior Design at Ringling and since
2003 is the Interior Designer at Sternberg Interiors in
Sarasota. She is published in Florida Design Magazine vol.15 #4
starting on page 118. The law is allowing these men and women
receiving alimony to get a free ride and it is not fair.
Permanent alimony should be abolished. Please change the law
My husband will need his money for his care. We thank you for
Ft. Myers, Florida
Dear Alimony Payors:
15 years ago, my husbands
wife filed for divorce. She had multiple affairs, drank and was
49 years old. She was 3 credits away from her degree at USF but
had an affair with her mentor and he ditched her so she quit
My dear husband is a "rich country doctor" which is a total
oxymoron. The judge in Hernando Tombrink recused himself from
the case because he knew all the names on the witness list.
The case went before the
"HONORABLE" Victor Musleah in Ocala. He awarded her with a beach
house, 300,000.00, 2/3rds of my husbands retirement 750,000.00
commercial land worth hundreds of thousands. and more plus
5000.00 per month lifetime alimony to cease only when she
remarries"not" and when R. or she dies. During the divorce she
was told to stay away from the family home, she went in, took
the antiques, the grand piano ect. The court fined her 100.00
and did not make her give anything back.
She had been living with R.
during the divorce and after. 8 years ago we took the case back
to court for downward modification.
We proved that she was
commingling funds by finding R. retirement checks in her past
checks, she was also supporting R. adult daughter who was well
able to support herself. The judge ordered a downward
modification of 1000,00 per month. She appealed.
We took it to the 5th
Judicial Court of appeals. They told us that: she can use her
monies for alcohol, children, other men because it is her
alimony and she can use it any way she wishes. We had to return
12,000.00 that we had pulled out of her monthly alimony pay all
attorneys fees, 55,000.00. and suck it up. No where in the
appeals did they include me in the amount of monies he made the
courts didn't look at the fact that there was another person in
the mix, the made all assets his and none of them mine after 8
years, now 14 years of marriage. They should have cut half of
his earnings out because of me.
My husband is 62 years old,
doesn't know what the Hell he's going to do because he can't
retire and pay alimony. She is eligible to get Social Security
in 3 years to the tune of about 2,000.00 per month. She has
invested wisely and at last search, she had made money grow to
approx 1.5 million. In court she called it her nest egg, not her
retirement. She just sold her Ocean Front Home for 750,000.00
and paid nothing for it. The lady is loaded. She got rid of the
man and they are friends now.
It gets worse: Victor Musleah
is now on the 5th Judicial Circuit Court, Appellate Division. If
we have to take it to appeals, he would have to overturn his own
decision, which isn't likely to happen. We have paid 3/4 of a
million dollars in alimony to date.
He could have retired. Not to
mention the legal fees involved in all of it, and the money it
will cost to take her back to court.
I have no problem at all with
a 50/50 division of funds and assets, I think the wife or
husband should get half. But ALIMONY ON TOP OF A LARGE ALMOST 2
MILLION SETTLEMENT. SHE COULD HAVE LIVED ON THE INVESTMENTS
ALONE. NOW SHE SPENDS 8,000.00 A MONTH WITH HER NEST
EGG/RETIREMENT AND 5000.00 A MONTH IN MY AND MY HUSBANDS SWEAT
I have had it, I watch my
husband work very hard, Do surgeries on emergencies in the
middle of the night and she can lay on the couch all day and
That is our story,
Letter to FL
House of Representative Phillip J. Brutus:
My name is D.P. and I am a
firefighter in the city of Jacksonville. I am a 17 year veteran.
I also own a hardwood flooring company that I operate on my days
off. I work approxamately 120 hours per week.
I am writing to you today to ask you to consider the alimony
reform bill you have received for review.
I became a "victim" of FL Statute 61.08 on Dec. 8 2005. After
learning of my ex-wife's third affair, I made the difficult and
also PRIVATE DECISION to divorce. I never knew what an education
I was in for.
I am now being forced under the threat of imprisonment to pay an
adultress ex-wife $2,200.00 per month for the rest of my life or
until she re-marries. I am also force to maintain a $200,000
life insurance policy with her as beneficiary. She will also
receive $951.00 per month of my pension benefits when I
Sir, this is INVOLUNTARY SERVITUDE, an invasion of my private
life, and is unconstitutional. The family court system in
Florida is totally out of control and this particular statute
gives the judiciary very BROAD DISCRETION when awarding alimony.
It is also a violation of the SEPERATION OF POWERS ACT.
IT IS LEGAL SLAVERY!!
Rep. Brutus, I am asking you to please STOP THIS MADNESS.
There a many like me in our great state, men and WOMEN.
There are 2nd wives of husbands that are suffering along with
their husband while he is a slave to his ex-wife. There are
women that are paying to ex-husbands for the REST OF THEIR LIVES
just because they made a PRIVATE DECISION to dissolve their
I ask for your consideration on introducing this bill.
Letter to FL
House of Representative Phillip J. Brutus:
My name is R.H. I am writing
you today to ask that you strongly consider supporting the new
alimony bill that you have received for review.
Here is my story. I left my wife of 23 years. I am a retired
Navy O-4 with 24 years of service. My wife was awarded Alimony
for life in the amount of $1000 per month as well as 50 percent
of my Navy retirement “PAY”. After I pay the alimony, my net
retirement pay is $427.02 per month before taxes for 24 years of
service! I have now paid alimony at this level for 14 years.
In early 1993 my ex wife moved in with her significant other.
They lived together in his house for the first couple of years
where she paid his mortgage payment as well as money to fix up
his house. Then she bought a house of her own in Satellite Beach
in 1995. They moved there together and sold his house. They are
still living there together today after 13 years. He contributes
to the mortgage payment and other household expenses.
I took her back to court in 2000 to try to get alimony reduced
or eliminated. She had more than doubled her annual income to
approximately $40,000, was receiving about $1500 per month as
half my retirement pay, was receiving the $1000 per month
alimony and had someone else sharing her expenses. Her net worth
in 2000 had grown to about $350,000 (This was her estimate which
was well beyond conservative). To her credit, my ex wife has
invested almost all of the alimony she has received (discovered
in the 2000 court proceedings) which is a very strong indicator
that she does not need the alimony for living expenses. She has
made no effort whatsoever to go back to school or to improve her
Our (current wife and my) net worth was well below hers in 2000
and we are not free spenders. Of course I started 1992 very far
in debt as a result of having to pay all divorce expenses while
maintaining two residences through the completion of the
divorce. It took years for me to dig back to ground zero again.
The Brevard Judge who heard my case in 2000 agreed in his
findings that I had a non-frivolous case. However, he did not
change anything since (due to inflation) my alimony had he said,
for all practical purposes, gone down already. He did make my ex
pay all her own attorney’s fees since she could easily afford
them. No judge wants to set a precedent such as terminating
alimony in the State of Florida even if it is the right thing to
Since 2000 my ex wife has changed jobs again and is making even
more money now. I know the company she works for (since I used
to work for them too) and they are very generous with both
salary and significant pension plan (beyond 401K). With the new
SB52 (cohabitation bill), I have given some thought to taking
her back to court again, but the judges will be very reluctant
to establish case law favorable to those of us paying alimony.
Unless or until I can get rid of the alimony, I will have a very
difficult time retiring for good. I will be 60 years old this
coming May. If I try to retire and am forced to continue paying
this alimony, my ex wife will live in luxury while I live in
poverty. That is simply not fair to any of the men or women in
Florida who must pay alimony for life or go to jail for making a
private decision to get divorced. There are many examples of
Florida men and women having to use their Social Security
payments to continue providing alimony for 30 years and more –
far longer than they were married.
The Alimony laws of the State of Florida are archaic and should
be changed. Consider the model of Texas where just a couple of
years of rehabilitative support is the norm for those who have
the ability to improve themselves. Many states have no alimony.
I ask for your consideration in introducing this new bill.
LCDR USN (ret)
My case has been in
the courts since 1989 I have diabetes, menere's diseasse, bells
palsy, blood in my stool, vertigo and high blood pressure.
I have reached the point where I am now being forced to pay
$185. a month in arrears even though my exwife makes over 50k a
year and my twin sons are 21 drive brand new cars and my oldest
son is 24 and drives a brand new car, my Sons live in a $200,000
home with pool and spa my ex bought, while I
live in one room in My Mother's home.
I need specfic case law that allows the court to remove the
arrears payments based on the fact my health and the
prescriptions and doctors visits eat up 100% of my 10k yearly
Can you help me with specific case law, simply that provides for
cases where for medical reasons a Judge has granted the lifting
of arrears payments due to a former husband's health condition?
It is a simple request.
I wish I had money to pay you but I barely can afford to keep
myself alive. I am representing myself in this matter. I cannot
afford an atty. She is provided one free by the state.
Letter to FL House of
Representative Phillip J. Brutus:
I am writing you as a member of CFLAP to
support the alimony reform bill.
I was divorced in 1999 in Lee Co. by Judge Ralph Stearns. My
$5000 per month lifetime alimony has been reduced to $2500 per
month - which is still unmanageable. I have since re-married and
the alimony is a constant burden.
My ex-wife has foilowed me through the courts in Massachsuetts
and Georgia. I had to agree to a $70,000 back alimony to prevent
being incarcerated. I have had to file for Ch.13 bankruptcy
because I could not afford to pay back
income taxes and credit cards and pay the exorbitant alimony.
I have filed Pro Se motions in Lee County court, Florida State
Court and the 11th District Court with no resolution.
I am seriously considering two employment offers in Dublin,
Ireland in order to escape this alimony madness. I also am
considering a job in Texas which may allow me to escape the
Florida courts when my ex tries to domesticate
the wage garnishment order.
Florida court mandated alimony really is an invasion of my right
to privacy. If I was married I could choose to not work and
would not have to face incarceration for contempt of court for
non-income. But since I am divorced,
I don't have that option. Nor can I choose a lesser job at a
Thank you for the consideration.
Ft. Myers, FL
As my lawyer, I would like to inform you of my response to your
letter of 2-27-2006:
Based on your letter of 2-27-2006 in
regards to the plaintiff 's settlement proposal, I would like to
respond to that , but I feel that many if not all issues involve
legal and constitutional rights which I have limited knowledge
of and feel that is why I need a lawyer to advise me on those
issues.Their offer seems to demand that all the assets to be
given her, pay all children medical expenses, take all cash
assets and have me pay all debts while taking more money from my
half of the equitable distribution for paying previous bills and
debts, she takes 95% of personal items in the marital house, I
pay my legal fees with the crumbs that left over for me, split
my pension and then require me to use my share to pay her
alimony for the rest of my life with the option to drag me into
court at anytime they feel like it.
The best thing about this is that I am on
Social Security disability which won't keep up with their
alimony COLA, which means I will soon become broke, default on
my new lease and end up in jail because I won't be able to pay
the alimony. Is that fair and equitable? No, not even close.
Since you have clearly stated in your
letter that you will not have the opportunity to speak with me
tomorrow the 28th and we only had a two hour discussion for
preparation for the 3-1-06 trial; I feel that we will be going
into this highly critical stage of my litigation, (which will
effect me for the rest of my life), totally unprepared.
I feel that we need to Subpoena her medical records and request
that she goes to another doctor of our choice for evaluation and
a second opinion. We don't even know what doctor recommended the
medical procedures or if a doctor even did. What timing a
PLEASE POSTPONE THE TRIAL AND REQUEST A NEW DATE. Put my life on
hold again. We need the rest of there Interrogatory and Notice
for Production of Documents answers and documents of proof that
she did not provide yet (she said, "privileged", "N/A", "to be
supplied". The last answer ( " to be supplied").was in regards
to all doctors seen in last 36 months. When do you think she was
going to supply them, next year?
She won't sell the house soon anyway; she's in a stall mode.
Trust me- it's no better in Illinois. My
husband is paying his ex $3750/45k plus 3k annually for kid's
health insurance plus 2k annually for additional activities,
plus $150.00 a week, per child (2) for out of network
psychologists, plus his income has been reduced to 65K BEFORE
taxes- plus ungodly attorney's fees that keep coming. Bear in
mind there is NOTHING wrong emotionally with these teenagers
accept a deranged, jealous, bitter Mother. She wanted the
divorce and my husband got stuck for 2 years of dragging on the
Illinois does not promote permanent alimony- they were married
for 18 years and then separated, celebrating their 20
anniversary across a mediation table. She is 46, has a college
degree and was a bank VP when they married. Her wealthy father
supplements her income of 65k plus- in addition, pays all of her
attorney's fees and then she sues my husband for more "crap". As
the "agreement" reads- it looks like permanent unallocated
maintenance of $3750/$45,000 until she is dead. She inherited
over 100K last year according to an ally of my husband's. She
also has a new job making more money but I don't know how to
prove any of this.
The judge told my husband (we were just dating at the time) he
should settle w/this or it would be worse at trial. He can't
afford college for his daughter next year. The evil witch will
likely pay the tuition ( her Dad will) and she'll sue my husband
even though she won't sit down and talk to him about this. It's
frightening that a judge would allow a man to have to pay this
for life and then some... His daughter is now 18 and his son is
15, going on 16. With no money for college for these kids, I
don't know what the court will say here. It's really scary.
Trust me, $1,000.00 monthly for life would be a lot better.
I can never stop working and I am likely not going to be ale to
quit work so I can raise a child we want to adopt. He has to pay
an evil witch 45K to spend on herself- trust me, she shops for
sale clothes at Kohl's and spends thousands on a new sport SUV
for herself and redecorating the house. He has NOTHING but debt
and it continues to grow and I am scared to death about what
kind of future we have.
He was making 110K and now making 65K as he has to give her 45K.
She claimed in court (her jackass attorney) that as a college
graduate and ex- bank vice president, she was only able to make
20K with her personal business. What a crock. My husband also
pays over 3k for health insurance, a fortune of debt for
psychologists she forces them to continue to see, 3k plus
interest left for his son's braces, 2k annually for extra
children's activities b/c the 45k is not enough for this greedy
miserable piece of white trash.
He has emptied any savings from 401K to pay for ongoing
attorney's fees. The decree is a nightmare. The attorney says he
will have to go back and fight but with what? She gets a ton of
money from her Dad, has a new job and we don't know how to
verify this... It's just awful. She also got the house which is
valued at 750K right now. They are suppose to discuss a special
ed college program for their daughter and agree between
themselves how to pay for this. She will ignore this, have her
Dad pay the 30K for the year and sue my husband for all of
it.She will then increase her income even more because she won't
disclose her new employment I don't know what to do. She should
be held in contempt for failure to disclose a better job and
more income (modifying the 45K she gets)and not complying with
the parenting agreement to disclose new employment and to agree
to sit down and discuss this child's future.
His CS obligation would have been about 17k for 2 children in
Illinois or 13K for one. His daughter is 18 now and though she
is mentally handicapped, she is very high functioning and able
to learn to live independently of her codependent mother. If
this child can go to a college support program, he should be
relieved of the CS for her so he could apply that toward school.
It's a nightmare. He cannot continue at this pace. Can they
force him to take out a loan when he will have no extra $$ to
pay the loan back? Someone wake me from the nightmare.
Letter to FL House of
Representative Phillip J. Brutus:
I am writing to request that you strongly
consider supporting the alimony reform bill in Florida. The law
as currently in effect becomes a travesty to justice to far too
many people, and millions of dollars are spent enforcing these
archaic laws. If we are truly a land striving for equality,
there should be equality everywhere, between men and women,
especially under the law.
The current laws promote detachment of the father from the
family, where the wife will receive a 'retirement income' many
times for the rest of her life. Divorce is a terrible thing, and
we would truly be better off without it. However, we live in a
time where divorce is in fact a reality for many families. The
laws refuse to accept this, and don't allow people to move on.
Is there no hope of starting again after divorce? Although I am
a woman, and I have been divorced, I feel alimony laws consider
me helpless to move on, to better myself. Additionally, second
families are also a reality. How can a family move on with life
when the husband remains in financial bondage to a previous
I believe the laws in the state of Florida on this subject are
preposterous. Most people from other states stare in disbelief
when we tell them the family laws here relating to alimony. They
are truly ridiculous laws, and it will take someone of common
sense and common decency to change them. That person will be up
against big government, big attorneys and disgruntled judges.
This has turned into big business and as a result hundreds of
families suffer, especially children of remarried families.
Did you know that in Florida they put men in jail for being
unable to pay their alimony? I'm not talking about men with
money who refuse to pay out of spite, I'm talking about men with
new families to support who can't make ends meet. Innocent men,
who have not committed any crime, sitting in jail cells while
their lives unravel. Once in jail, how can they keep up with
their job, or mortgages, or anything? How many lives must be
I personally know of THREE men who have served jail time because
they were absolutely unable to come up with the money to make
these payments. If you look into this matter, you will not
believe what you'll find. You could be a hero to all of these
families and expose a terrible wrong that has been happening
here in Florida. I pray that you will.
W. Palm Beach, FL
i need help badly..just finished hearing
after i was 100%disabled, to abolish alimony(1750.00) a month.
reduced income(disability) is 3700.00per month part from
disability insurance i had at work.. and approx 1900.00 from
social security disability..i have a 401 k acct and an ira
acct..both awarded to me through the original divorce.. that is
all the monies i have..at the time of the last hearing i had
1600.00 in checking..and 100.00 in savings..telling you this so
you know what the judge had to look at..wife is working and very
healthy no ills or medical problems..
two years of college..divorce was because of her abuse(not
documented by law enforcement) of our son at the time of the
divorce 17 yrs. old. to cut to the chase.. at the divorce..the
judge gave her the house and 2wo of the three cars..the third
car,my son's, is what i was given.. and i had 2500.00 in
checking no savings..he made me pay her lawyer the
2500.00..effectively putting me in the street homeless and
penniless with my only monies to be my next
i certainly couldn't use my 401 or ira
accts..i would lose a thirdfor early withdrawl and taxes..not
withstanding i would/might need that money for emergency
use..divorce was march of 04..dis abled with chronic emphysema
which is terminal) the following nov...no mony for 4 months...i
stopped alimony pmts..in nov..( i had no income)..hearing was
put off several times till feb 06..judge ordered approx 26,000
in arrearages plus a continuation of 1750.00 per month plus her
health insurance approx 300.00 a month...the total per month is
54% of my disability income..leaving me approx 1600.00 per
month. my only recourse in paying the arrearages..as he was well
aware.. was to cash in my 401 k...
i have no personal health insurance
because the cost is prohibitive with all my other expenses..also
not eligible for medicare for two years from disablement..so i
was intending to use the retirement accounts as a safeguard
against medical costs..my disease 'will' get worse..not
better...my son was locked out of his mother's house the week of
his 18th b-day.. we had joint custody..i was a tugboat captain
and away at work at the time..she literally put him in the
street...he was still in high school at the time...he was able
to make it out to the county to the shack i had managed to
acquire(built in 1958..it really is a shack)and had very little
to eat and no amenities..like aircondition or even a selection
of food..of which there was very little..anyway..
i now face an appeal.. and if not
overturned..contempt charges and jail time..for the second time
i'm to be indigent and homeless.. for what? a mean vindictive
woman..that abused our child? i was a good husband and i'm a
great father..i have been a hard working honest citizen all my
life..only to end up a criminal in my dying days ? for what?..
my present home/shack is in theodore alabama
A letter written to all of the Florida
I am writing to you because Governor Bush
suggested that it would be a good idea to let everyone in the
legislature know what is going on.
After my recent correspondence with Mr. Bush, outlining some of
the injustices to the common men/women of Florida who are
required to pay "lifetime" alimony; I am hoping that it is NOT
as everyone says it is----"a legal scam" etc, and just that
somehow, someway things got out of balance and that the good
people in the legislature will look long and hard at what is
happening in the "real world". The judges and courts are really
just following the laws that are in place---soooo in reality, it
isn't ALL their fault...however---something needs to be done
about the laws and real quick!!!
I am NOT a wealthy entrepreneur or upscale executive. Just a
commoner---an estimator that works for a Masonry Contractor
making about $60,000 per year. Out of this annual salary which
nets me about $3500 per month, I pay $2500 in Child Support ( 2
children/$1500) and Permanent alimony ($1000 per month) to my
former spouse, leaving me to exist on $1000 per month for
myself. In case anyone has looked around lately, this is not
enough to even get me a studio apt. to live in, let alone food
or medical expenses--I have been living in limbo with friends
for 5 years---in their guest room. This isn't temporary and I am
NOT a young man---48 years old, so chances are my salary isn't
going to increase---it would be more likely to decrease. Do you
know what happens then?....this is really baaaddd.....because
the court "requires" that I stay at this salary level for the
rest of my life in order to pay my former spouse what is "due"
to her. Now what is fair about this, I'm not sure? ...and what
is going to happen to me when I retire and collect Social
Security...if I have to pay $1000 per month---then what???...I
will possibly have $20 per month to live on???
My former spouse, on the other hand, has decided that since she
gets $1000 per month after taxes for the rest of her life, she
really doesn't have much incentive to return to the workforce in
any capacity and works at jobs that are cash, so they don't have
to be reported and can't e tracked. So she can just sit back and
collect money and really has no initiative while I work 80 hours
per weeks to support her. Are we "divorced"??...I thought
so---but why then, am I paying HER for as long as I live??
Something is "grossly" wrong and I am hoping that you ALL can
get things under control a bit.
Please take a close look at Texas Alimony law. There is a 3-year
cap. There is a fixed maximum amount. That makes sense.
Sometimes, I understand that there is a need for certain
individuals whether/men or women to rehabilitate in order to
reenter the workforce. That is understandable and I support some
assistance for a short period of time. I---however, have already
been paying for 5 years with no possible end in sight. Read
on--- below for the nightmare on Child Support.
I am NOT alone....there are many, many MEN and WOMEN---yessss
there are women too--- just like me here in Florida who are
required to pay someone FOREVER!!! If I was your son/daughter, I
know that you would possibly look at this differently...paying
someone they were "formerly" married too---for the rest of their
lives. So please give this some consideration. This is NOT child
support---this is ALIMONY---PERMANENT ALIMONY should not be a
permanent vacation ticket for either party of a dissolved
marriage. NO ONE should be required to do anything
"forever"---after all, we are not even guaranteed jobs
"forever", so how can we be required to pay someone else from
our non-guaranteed salary?
Now---if there wasn't enough salt in the wound, when my daughter
reached the age of majority, I called the Courthouse, sent proof
of her age and asked that Child Support for her be stopped. That
was over two years ago. I was told that the way the dissolution
was structured, I would have to reapproach the courts to
"modify" the amount of Child Support I was paying. Now ---call
me "simple"....but here we go---$1500 divided by 2 = $750....hey
if you even want to add $100 or something into it---OK?...but
what I have to pay to go back to court? I tried to save attorney
fees and file ProSe...if you have ever tried to do this---"good
luck"...my former wife's attorney pulled
some---something...whatever???---it got dismissed. I tried again
to negotiate with the help of a Father's resource group and have
them negotiate with the former wife. To NO avail---she refused
to accept a reduction and wants to get the same amount for one
child that she got for two. $400 later and no more luck, I tried
to file again Pro Se, borrowed money to retain an attorney
$3500---through stalling of my former wife's attorney and her
refusal to submit financials, the $3500 is almost gone and we
haven't even gotten to mediation. If you keep in mind---this is
ALL to stop Child Support for a Child that is NOW 20 years old,
has been gainfully employed working two jobs since she was 18
with my former spouse collecting the child support money.
I need someone---someplace to crack down on these "deadbeat
spouses"....forget about the deadbeat dads---it's not just one
gender that is abusing the system ---ok???!!
Please take this seriously and take a good hard look at what is
going on within the system!!
Letter to FL House of Representative
Phillip J. Brutus:
As a representative of the legislature
system, respectfully, I submit this to you. I am a
retired veteran of the US Army and a victim of Statute
61.08 as well as a victim of a judge’s BROAD DISCRETION
when awarding alimony Having been married to a woman
who absolutely refused to work, the system, acting in
its anarchy consideration awarded my ex-wife substantial
amount alimony. Not withstanding that she gave
undisputed testimony that she merely refused to work,
and not that she could not work. And as a result of her
refusal to work demeanor, the court rewarded her with a
substantial amount in permanent alimony
With this being said, I plea to you to
assistance in supporting the current proposed bill to
correct a wrong that has been on-going for more than 20
years. Not only is the court system out of control, but
serious consideration needs to be given to correcting an
antiquated statute to instill equality and justice, not
Respectfully, please give these proposed
changes great consideration and support.
I am at the end of my rope! I posted a message the other day
concerning my dilema. I am not a member of the abolish alimoney
group, but a member of this site. I just recieved a notice from
the attorney now stating that the court is asking her why I am
not living up to my bargain. I don't have 6,000 dollars a month
to give to her. How is that? So I have called my attorney for an
appointment next week. At that time I am telling her am not
paying. I will then go to court and they can put me in jail. I
will stay as long as I need and let the state take care of me. I
wish the members would help in this manner if anyone could tell
me of a good newspaper person that would be there or may be
interested in my dilema. I want someone to hear and read about
my opinion of the imbalance in the decision, the bias of the
judge, my ex wife's vindictiveness since.
I will have to shut my physical therapy clinic down also, and
there will be many patients very disappointed. This is the only
way that I may be able to be heard, as well as having an
attorney that misrepresented, and another attorney that would
have appealed but asked for 20,000 dollars I did not have. I
don't have the ability to borrow any money as my credit is shot
since the divorce. I hope by doing this it may help the
organization some maybe. At least some positive may occur if I
am heard a little bit.
Ft. Myers, FL
I think I am painted in a corner.I
was subpoenaed by the ex. I am trying to get my
child support reduced because my daughter is 20, and
my alimony recalculated. During the interview my
lawyer suggested that
I put $15,000 into his trust account to cover
possible alimony shortfalls.. I agreed to this. I
was also volunteered to hire a forensic accountant
to establish my income. I gave him a down payment of
$2500. this is almost gone and we are not even 10%
through. I can't afford this! I am a mechanic and I
have a "small" shop. I am paying $2000 a month
alimony and her house payment. I am getting a night
shift job with an airlines to help make ends meet.
What are my options here??
My name is J.B, I was divorced in 2000 in Florida where my
wife got everything including a $750 a month permanent alimony
support she had a lawsuit against the company she was working for
slip and fall injury,
but she played the courts with it when I got divorced. Shotly after
she gets her settlement and my money awarded to her she starts
going back to work (supposedly hurt) then around the early part of
2002 my ex meets a man they
fall head over heels and she ends up moving in with the guy shortly
Then my kids started telling me of things she was doing that she
never done before in our marriage such as riding motorcycle, playing
golf, fishing things that I consider not so good if you had your
back or shoulders hurting from prior injuries. So with that I talked
with an attorney about taking her back to court around august 2002,
my ex just started another job and my attorney told me to wait a few
months for her to get established at her work then I would need to
file for modification, so I did and around November 2002 I proceeded
to take her back to court.
This battle went on on for more than 4 years until this past
Monday 4/10, I had went to court finally to try out of bondage and
be able to move on with my life, and I had the new Bill in place on
cohabition where the judge has to review this. Needless to say I
lost again after paying my attorney 13-14 thousand now I still have
to coniues to pay $750 a month permanently and also have to pay a
portion of her attorneys fee of between 4-5 thousand dollars. My ex
and her attorney had where her boyfriend and her stopped being
romantically involved so they say and she was paying him $300
dollars a month rent like a roommate, and the judge bought it. I
feel once again that I was discriminated against because I was a man
and the judge did not see through all of her lies. I am all for to
abolish alimony, I live in North Carolina with my new wife but
cannot move on without the lingering of this alimony hovering over
How far along are you in getting petion signatures
to get this on the florida ballot? Have any others in Florida
have any luck in getting out of their alimony? Is there anything I
can do since what just happened to me? I
just said an overview there is so much more. I feel like I am a slave to
my ex and the florida courts which is violating my rights. Can you
share some enlightenment I would appreciate it. Is there people
located in North
Carolina I can make contact with? I live in Gastonia. Thanks for your